Category: Education/Mental Health

Look Again


  After 15 years of being told she was ugly  Corina has finally stopped looking. Mirrors were no longer her thing, instead she had decided to throw herself into sports and make sure she made people laugh, if she didn’t have looks she told herself, she’d have to rely on her talents.

Becoming one of the most popular girls in her school, Corina was truly impressed with herself but being ugly left more than a chip on her shoulder, it was more like a bolder. She had many things; friends, favor amongst teachers, she was athletic and could sing a little bit. Boys even liked her but deep down she knew that it wasn’t because of her looks, because she was ugly. Her hair wasn’t straight like the other girls in her school. She had boring brown eyes and she had acne,ugh! What was to look at?

 Corina would graduate and years later start a family. Throughout the hustle and bustle of life she had some success  however she also had low self esteem,  but she stuffed the pointless emotions of self acceptance down,down, down until she almost couldn’t taste the bitterness anymore. One random Saturday while putting on her makeup Corina did something she hadn’t done in over a decade, she decided to really take a look at herself. She began examining her facial structure noting her check bones, scanning and analyzing her blemishes and beauty marks, as her evaluation was concluding she fell dead lock in a forward gaze, starring directly into brown eyes. These eyes however were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. How was this possible? Corina looked with amazement. She blinked to see if they would return to what she had always known but when her gaze returned they were still there, BEAUTIFUL brown eyes. And they belonged to her. Tears began to fill the rims of each eye and an overwhelming feeling of love, self love and self admiration fell on Corina. She sat on the toilet in bewilderment. And she asked herself the question if I didn’t know this about myself. What else don’t I know?? 

   That day marked a pivotal moment in Corina’s life. At  age of 26 she began self exploration and questioning what she thought she knew about herself. She began uncovering lies and deception surrounding her previous knowledge of who she was and what she believed about herself.

As Corina continued to break down the walls of lies and misunderstandings she had ongoing within herself. A new and stronger Corina emerged -and that bitterness that Corina had to taste everyday was no longer a cup she had to drink from. 

There are some things we’ve told ourselves…there are some labels we’ve placed on ourselves. But it’s time to re-evaluate what you said about yourself 5 or 10 years ago and start again. 

So you say you’re not creative.. maybe you’ve changed. 

You say you can’t lose weight. Maybe you’re more disciplined than you were when you first made your mind up about weight loss and health. 

You say you can save money. At what age or stage in life did you decide that? And are you still THAT person? Impossible. 

  Some of us are arrested in development. Hanging on to ideas about ourselves and identities given to us by our parents 20 and 30 and maybe 50 years ago. 

I wanted to tell you it’s time to do what Corina did and take a hard long look in the mirror not just at your face. Clearly you’re gorgeous or extremely handsome! But look at your life. It’s time we confront some of our thinking. I want you to do me but more importantly do yourself a favor and LOOK AGAIN!

#DontMissOutOnYou #changeIsGood #growingPangs #LookAgain #YoudBeSuprised

About Last Night

Last night I had dinner with a group of friends. It was so good to catch up as we hadn’t seen each other in a few months. Time  away truly makes the heart grow fonder. I was amazed at the transformations that had taken place in each of our lives during our sabbatical from one another. There was weight loss, job changes,new hair, and various other manifestations. But a word I kept hearing during our many side conversations and general table talk was a word I hadn’t heard before. Especially in mixed company with a group of woman of color. It was a word I would say and then watch as people sat back and analyzed just what exact type of crazy I was. A word that has been somewhat demonized but helped me identify and dissect my own demons. The word, Therapist. 

One referenced their therapist’s office decor and another referenced their therapist’s look and I sat back in amazement at the beauty and the splendor of it all. There were no awkward pauses. Shame never showed her ugly face, in her place Healing radiated over our entire section of the restaurant. 

I wanted to tell you that in our society and in black culture we often like to stunt and “fake it til we make it” and by we I also mean me.  I will  it put on a brave face and designer bag in the face of financial instability with the best of them. I know how to perpetuate what I hope to achieve before I actually get there. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with that. In the spirit being bougie I say go get that fendi bag sis! Cop that foreign car! I’m not mad at ya but don’t forget to get you a therapist. You see, that bag will poke at your voids and the luxury vehicle will stroke your ego every now and then but that’s only a temporary fix to a life long problem. The days of drinking, snorting, smoking and sexing and yes even shopping your pain alway are long gone. There’s an app for that. 

The time to confront mental health is now. The time to confront your children’s mental health is now. It’s what WE do. It’s possible and even probable that our parents and grandparents had issues and seen issues in us and in their ignorance (no disrespect intended) they either ignored it, tried to hide it or tried to beat it out of us. We’re privy to the internet which gives a us a passport to destination Information. We have tools they didn’t have so we can survive in a world they didn’t have to try to navigate through. 

Social media will have you believing your own lies. We all have issues, we aren’t all living our best lives in real life. There are inexplicable hurts some of us have endured and we all know that Hurt people hurt people. Even good hurt people, even loving hurt people, even seemingly happy hurt people, even you… will cause harm, likely to those closest to you. If you’re a single parent, your kids, or married person your spouse will get the brunt of your unaddressed issues. 

It is my hope and prayer that we take advantage of the tools we have been given access to such as talk therapy, group therapy, life coaches, mentorship etc. to heal ourselves which brings healing to our homes and that healing spreads into our communities that will heal our nation. 

I wanted to tell you I’ve been in therapy for 5 years. A lot of the healing and growth I’ve had has come through talking through my issues with a stranger that helped me to come up with a plan on how I would begin dealing with my emotions and pain in a healthy and constructive way.  It was a safe place to unpack my bag of sadness, fragility, anger,confusion,disappointment.. you name it.  Take charge of your thoughts and you take charge of your world.  It is so. 

#hookedonTherapyworkedforme

New Creation Counseling Center

Tipp City, Ohio (937) 667-4678

Dayton Children’s Hospital

Dayton, Ohio (937) 641-3401