Grandma’s Peach Cobbler

 “Don’t nobody want the recipe to your Grandmother’s peach cobbler (expletive)”

created by photogrid

If you’ve heard the tictok, seen the post or laughed at the reel. It was a hilarious depiction of person trying to conceal what they were texting and their spouse yelling those famous words! But let’s be real a second.. As human beings, most of us are naturally curious. We want to know everything. 

I was recently on a zoom meeting with a group after a Thanksgiving carry in and during introductions everyone stated they needed the recpie to a delightful dessert a young lady made. She kindly stated, “It’s a family recipe, I can’t share it with ya’ll.” 

I liked that. I liked that she made the decision to keep something of importance to her sacred. It added to it’s value and to  hers. People always want to know how you did this or how did you make it to where you are currently. People want to know the next move you’re going to make and with whom you’re making it.  Your exercise routine, the vitamin supplements and Cierra’s prayer for her husband. 

I woke up this morning with a simple thought. A  gentle reminder from God. “I can’t tell it all” 

As I lay in meditation of these four words. I found myself experiencing peace and a renewed hope. I don’t know what the future holds, I really wish I did, but God knows my beginning and my end. He has his pen and has written my story. I want a peek! However, God knows that if I’m given too much information, I’ll begin to move without alignment, I may have a spiritual lapse in the area of humility and think I run something, other than my mouth. lol. 

I may self sabotage, I may share the news with the wrong friend or family member and create an atmosphere of confusion, comparison, and compromise. I may jump too soon, too late or sadly not at all. 

As parents we don’t tell our children everything. And as a Good Father, God can’t tell us everything either, but thankfully, if we know Him, we Know it all works for our good.

Romans 8:28 (NLT)

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

 I wanted to tell you… there’s a reason we can’t have everything laid in front of us giving us each and every next step. Firstly, because our faith is developed in the dark spaces of our journeys. Secondly, we must Know who is holding our pen. Having an intimate relationship with God gives great insight and builds trust that no matter how it goes, I know He’s got me. And lastly, I’ll leave you with this; the recpie for grandma’s peach cobbler wasn’t kept because it tasted like dirt. It wasn’t revealed because it was so, so good. 

That’s how your future looks. Probably a little messy in the beginning, you may be alone while the maker continues adding His ingredients; love, favor, perseverance, grace, strategy, strength, hope, joy, double peace. I don’t know, but I do know in the end that thing, You, and yours is going to be so, so good. 

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Best kept secret, Eryca Renai

Anyway

People are often fearful and insecure. Love them anyway.

If you’re authentic and self confident, people will dislike you, be yourself anyway.

If you triumph through your trials and conquer your goals, you will become a symbol of envy and may be alone. Triumph and Conquer anyway. 

If you’re motivated by love, people may use you. Stay pure anyway. 

Those you spend years pouring into, may be gone in an instant. Pour anyway. 

If you triumph- find truth, purpose, and peace, you may seem delusional. Be delusional anyway. 

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. 

This life isn’t all about you, it’s about your light. So no matter how it makes you or those around  you feel, shine bright ANYWAY. 

-Eryca Renai 

(Inspired by Mother Teresa’s “Do It Anyway” 

Golden

  The proverb “Speech is silver, silence is golden” is something I hold near and true to heart. Now, on the precipice of 40 what this now means to me is something very specific. 

I wanted to tell you..  I think that yes, silence is Golden- but now, for me it’s Heaven, it’s my everything. It’s makes the difference between what was, and what will be. Silence is coming in close with , time.. it’s precious. 

It’s true, I talk a lot, yeah I know , but I understand the power of my words , so I only print them when deemed necessary. 

But we’re not talking about talking. Silence. That’s tough, Because baybee,  I’ve had to live and learned the art of fasting from speech. (Book attached)

That was well before this blog, now on this level.. I have learned the power of silence.

Some thought me weird, others thought me to be “ well, you know”  but shutting up MATTERS. 

I wanted to tell you, 

There is something in silence that the counterfeit of saying every thought could never contend with! Silence….. it sits, it rests, she’s never in a hurry.. and understands a little bit better. 

As an active thinker and speaker.. I love find rest in the silence. 

May it find you, mouth shut. 

I want to tell you so much today, but I rest in God, He’s got us. 

Step

    The first step in any given direction will lead you to your final destination.

Today as I reflect on Father’s Day I think about my step father and how he Stepped in my life, how he stepped up and completely changed my life. 

     I wanted to tell you…I have lived a life that was led by fear, where I was too paralyzed to make a move, I couldn’t budge in the right direction but when I released fear, guilt and shame I became free to step in whatever I desired.  Who knew that in 2025 I’d be be blogging again , find my voice again? And find my vigor again ? Who knew that I would step back into the cadance God has for me?   We’re never ready, we’re never worthy.  We are  just are who we are.. available, able, capable and obedient people that get to step. I wanted to tell you, to STEP today in your relationships, in your profession, or possibly your finances. Step up and step out be that movement which creates change. It just takes one step. 

    I wanted to tell you, I see You stepping

Psalms 37:23 LSB 

The footsteps of a man are established by Yahweh, And He delights in his way.

Mask Off

Shower, dress, check your face 

Do your make up, check your face

Don’t look too long in those deep brown eyes, 

just check -just glance 

do you look “okay?”

Do you look stable?

Do you look saved? 

Do tears still mean sin?

Does this stoic countenance that you cannot shake mean defeat? 

No, warrior woman this is the face of battle.

Victory rarely brings out the smile. 

That charismatic, magnetic, energy they want.. traded for bruised knees and puffy eyes. 

I’m not sad. I’m not happy. These temporal emotions are not mine for the taking. 

I’m chosen. I’m focused. I’m tired. I’m fighting. 

I’m making time for prayer and fasting and  faithing. 

I’ve not the commodity of faking. 

So, I can’t always hide my battle scars some days blood will seep through my pretty painted face.

Residue of Ashes on my chin.. the stench of yesterdays win may linger on today.

And I’ll show up and I’ll raise holy hands and tears they may fall, as they should, for Grace and Mercy has a way of making me feel some type a way. 

There are times when everything is fine,but nothing’s okay. 

Like yeah my house is on fire but “ I KNOW” God will make a way. 

I won’t deny my humanity but I must survive it each day. 

I thought, ministers gotta look the part. Shine your light and smile big and bright,but what if that throws a newbie off? That thinks salvation is all smiles and dancing, that salvation means never falling down, but only advancing. That if you can’t feel him, that means he’s gone and if you’re not shouting on Sunday morning then somethings wrong. 

There are days on this journey when nothing feels right.. you’ll try and pray in the morning. Nothing.Then you’ll try again at Night. 

There are days on this journey when life is pure bliss, if Gods doing anything at all you’ll be top on HIS list. 

But through it all, you don’t have pretend, you don’t have to fear what you feel, don’t hold it all in. 

Just trust, Just know, that our God understands . He gave you emotions. They are apart of his plan. 

Leave it at home, leave it in your car. I’m saying MASK OFF. He wants who YOU Are. 

Look Again


  After 15 years of being told she was ugly  Corina has finally stopped looking. Mirrors were no longer her thing, instead she had decided to throw herself into sports and make sure she made people laugh, if she didn’t have looks she told herself, she’d have to rely on her talents.

Becoming one of the most popular girls in her school, Corina was truly impressed with herself but being ugly left more than a chip on her shoulder, it was more like a bolder. She had many things; friends, favor amongst teachers, she was athletic and could sing a little bit. Boys even liked her but deep down she knew that it wasn’t because of her looks, because she was ugly. Her hair wasn’t straight like the other girls in her school. She had boring brown eyes and she had acne,ugh! What was to look at?

 Corina would graduate and years later start a family. Throughout the hustle and bustle of life she had some success  however she also had low self esteem,  but she stuffed the pointless emotions of self acceptance down,down, down until she almost couldn’t taste the bitterness anymore. One random Saturday while putting on her makeup Corina did something she hadn’t done in over a decade, she decided to really take a look at herself. She began examining her facial structure noting her check bones, scanning and analyzing her blemishes and beauty marks, as her evaluation was concluding she fell dead lock in a forward gaze, starring directly into brown eyes. These eyes however were the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. How was this possible? Corina looked with amazement. She blinked to see if they would return to what she had always known but when her gaze returned they were still there, BEAUTIFUL brown eyes. And they belonged to her. Tears began to fill the rims of each eye and an overwhelming feeling of love, self love and self admiration fell on Corina. She sat on the toilet in bewilderment. And she asked herself the question if I didn’t know this about myself. What else don’t I know?? 

   That day marked a pivotal moment in Corina’s life. At  age of 26 she began self exploration and questioning what she thought she knew about herself. She began uncovering lies and deception surrounding her previous knowledge of who she was and what she believed about herself.

As Corina continued to break down the walls of lies and misunderstandings she had ongoing within herself. A new and stronger Corina emerged -and that bitterness that Corina had to taste everyday was no longer a cup she had to drink from. 

There are some things we’ve told ourselves…there are some labels we’ve placed on ourselves. But it’s time to re-evaluate what you said about yourself 5 or 10 years ago and start again. 

So you say you’re not creative.. maybe you’ve changed. 

You say you can’t lose weight. Maybe you’re more disciplined than you were when you first made your mind up about weight loss and health. 

You say you can save money. At what age or stage in life did you decide that? And are you still THAT person? Impossible. 

  Some of us are arrested in development. Hanging on to ideas about ourselves and identities given to us by our parents 20 and 30 and maybe 50 years ago. 

I wanted to tell you it’s time to do what Corina did and take a hard long look in the mirror not just at your face. Clearly you’re gorgeous or extremely handsome! But look at your life. It’s time we confront some of our thinking. I want you to do me but more importantly do yourself a favor and LOOK AGAIN!

#DontMissOutOnYou #changeIsGood #growingPangs #LookAgain #YoudBeSuprised

GET OUT

                   

    I was lying in bed the other night tired from a long day, it seemed that since my son had began his football season every minute between the hours of 5:30 am and 10:00 pm  were  accounted for. I was excited that the weekend was upon me and my kids had decided to stay at their grandma’s house. A quiet house to myself, I smiled to myself as I fell into a deep sleep. I heard what sounded like glass breaking coming from my downstairs.  Phone in hand, I sleepily made  my way down the steps. To my terror there were two men standing in my living room I froze in fear, making this confrontation more sinister.. I knew them, they were men from my past that I thought I had gotten rid of. Now I could clearly see that they were relentless in their pursuit of me. Their names were Guilt and Shame. One said “ sit”and so I sat.   Then Guilt began to bind my hands with rope and then my feet so I could not move freely. He began reminding me of my past mistakes he then pulled out his kill kit and displayed his tools of operation: memories, lies, exaggeration and intimidation. I wanted to scream but Shame had his hand over my mouth so that I couldn’t speak. He always works along side of Guilt (they are a team) his job was take my voice so that I couldn’t speak life and positivity to myself.  

     Even after my deliverance and transformation from patient to Physician, from survivor to Reviver, from slave to Warrior I still had and have to constantly cut ties from Guilt and Shame. They are repeat offenders. I wanted to tell you that once you identify the areas in which they have decided to set up camp in your life, you can then strategically and intentionally set fire to the residence and build again. How you ask? Through exposure; you must tell on yourself. That burn you felt just now when you read tell on yourself is that same fire that will consume the lies Guilt and Shame are using to overpower you.  Say what it is that’s being used against you. Not to Everyone!  But to God, and possibly a counselor. Once you say it, or admit it. You then take away its power over you. And that my friend punches Shame right in the mouth. For me being married twice and my children having different fathers was where Guilt and Shame built their comfy lives. I was ashamed that I wasn’t good at relationships and it was super evident. I would tell half truths slip and slide or dodge questions. I didn’t want people to know, I didn’t want to be viewed as weak. Nowadays I  don’t run up on people proclaiming my personal background (kinda in the blog I do) lol. However, I do tell the truth when the situation presents itself, and I do so with confidence. Why?  Because I decided to accept my whole self. I could no longer afford to reject parts of me. Self rejection is the street Guilt and Shame live on. I love me, ALL of me. I love 17 year old me that was searching for love and that was confused at what love looked like. I love 20 year old Eryca that got married to please God and appease both church and family, trying her best to bring virtue to herself and her child. I accept and love 21 year old Eryca that fell into the trap of addiction and I forgave 25 year old Eryca that was certain codependency was true love. 

I wanted to tell you that I broke free from my captors Guilt and Shame- just like in a cinematic thriller, I freed my hands and my feet, to move how I need to, which is FREELY and Authenticity with my Head held high. 

I fought that fight and came out victorious.. I’m now qualified to speak on what I’ve had to overcome.. Codependency, Mommy Issues, and how to have 3 babies fathers and have Peace. Because I’ve lived it. I set fire to the camp Guilt and Shame built in my mind and in my heart. Then I built an altar of humility and thankfulness of love and mercy and understanding, compassion and empathy. 

   When I had escaped from Guilt and Shame, I began running towards my front door, towards the promises of God but standing in the doorway 6’6  300 lbs, big and puffed up, arms folded was Ego. My very own pride was mocking me, saying “You know they’re going to talk about you” “What about your brand?” “What about YOU???” I took a stance to begin a violent attack on my biggest enemy, my Inner me but  just then I heard the spirit of the Lord and I repeated what I heard in my inner ear into the ear of Ego. “ If God be for me, who can be against me?” Romans  8:31 Pride stepped back and I walked into my newness of life.  Not perfect but being perfected, which means mature. Mo’ betta than I was before. 

   I wanted to tell you that I’ve come to torture what used to torture me. I’m here to bind what had me bound. I’m here to kill the very things that with all their might tried to kill me. I’ve been sent to overthrow the kingdom that tried to overthrow me. 

The more I write the more God shows himself and in an open confession I must admit I was afraid of being too God focused or religious on my blog and that my writing wouldn’t be valued by a mainstream audience but I am persuaded that (s)He who the son has set free is free indeed and with my liberation I will write the words that have been written on my heart, to yours. It Is So. 

Still praying, Still hoping ,Still believing

Necessary Evil

Necessary Evil: something unpleasant that must be accepted in order to achieve a particular result. 

In this life we all will face necessary evils. Whether it be taxes or the agonizing pain of childbirth, necessary evils cannot be avoided. But what happens when we try to avoid these essential parts of life? What happens when we allow the fear of what is necessary and the pain or negative effect attached to it to stop us from reaching our desired result?  

Parenthood is a great example of this. During your child’s early days, months, and years there are many challenges to be faced to ensure the proper growth and development of your baby.   You have to get your son circumcised, you have to get them vaccinated, then there’s potty training and weaning from breasts or bottle. 

There’s that heart breaking first day at daycare so that you can get back to work or their first day at school so that they can receive the building blocks for education.  These are all necessary evils that if not carried out would result in an underdeveloped child. 

In my own personal life I’ve taken a look back at the necessary evils that I tried to avoid, one in particular being  the need to take time to get to know myself. How is this a necessary evil you may ask? Well, in taking time to really get to know ones self there’s a process of being alone of focusing only on ones self. Focusing on other people’s issues and drama  is much easier than focusing on yourself and all that comes with you. The good, the bad, and let’s not forget the ugly. But in order to be authentic, and to be whole, healed, and present it was necessary for me to stop throwing myself into incompatible relationships or unproductive friendships just to avoid the ache that came with my necessary evil. I had to embrace the ache to get me the results I have today. 

  There are some things in your life that are making you uncomfortable On Purpose. It’s to move you to your next level.  For if we’re not growing we’re dying and if we’re not moving we’re stagnant.

That girl on your job that’s sabotaging you, that taunts you and undermines your work. That boss that finds new ways to belittle and disrespect you. They are necessary for the entrepreneur in you to come forth.  They are a constant reminder of where you do not belong. 

 Single parents, your children growing out of their clothes and eating you out of house in home is necessary to push you back into the classroom to get the certificate, license, or degree it takes to make the salary to sustain your family and household. 

That situationship you’ve been in for the past 5 years; They do then they don’t. They will and then they won’t. It’s necessary so that you will become sick of the rollercoaster ride and toxic cycle of instability and insecurity. So that you become tired of child’s play and develop true desire for real companionship and being honored in a relationship. 

Friends that have betrayed you, told your secrets, maybe to your enemies. They were teaching you to take all your cares to God in prayer. He is the only one that can help you anyway. 

That person you trusted that abused you. Once you begin to walk in forgiveness, have just simultaneously anointed you. Because to forgive someone that isn’t sorry is a special gift from God carried out by the strongest of us. 

The pain we experienced from the necessary evils in this life will always carry a sting. There is a sting in disappointment, there is a bitterness in heartbreak, being victimized will always feel like someone just took all the air out the room. Sometimes we make poor choices and those consequences hurt.

I wanted to tell you life is full of necessary evils, don’t try to avoid them and miss out on getting what you can only receive by going through them.  You can handle the sting and the ache for it is strengthening you to become that person required to hold the end result. 

Peace and Blessings

An audience of One

And it’s here down on my knees that I feel most powerful and in the auditorium amongst the masses that I feel most weak. 

I’m not sure of how people see me and this is no longer my concern because I’m living for an audience of one. 

Such an unfamiliar place I’ve found myself in where the things that once moved me no longer do, and there is no compulsion to do what may generate attention or likes. In this place there is a quietness, that I am in no way, shape or form accustomed to. 

                    AN AUDIENCE OF ONE

Living for an audience of one, drawn to my  audience of one, totally captivated by my audience of one. 

He has me- fully, I mean truly, I’m obsessed with how he woos me, with how he moves me. In me and through me. 

It’s in his truth he makes me and by his grace he shapes me. Never leaves me or forsakes me. His very presence overtakes me. Living for an audience of one. 

 So with your eyes you are privy to see, everything he’s doing in me, but it’s no show and I’m not here to entertain just to bring glory to that MATCHLESS name. 

It is He, El Shaddai, Elohim, that Grace guy. He’s my Daddy, He’s my friend, That same one that shook death and sin. 

It’s my God, my present help, my ride and die, when nothing else could help! 

There was my audience of one.

Watching  and waiting, blocking and orchestrating. Creating a very special,very specific, very intentional place for me. In my lane I can move freely, I can cry out, I can dance, or I can just be. I am able to do it, how I do it, all for my audience of one. 

It Was Me

If you’ve read any of my blogs there seems to be at least one mention per blog of how in some way shape or form I’ve been victimized, abused, talked about and misused. And those are facts.. those things did happen to me and as a result I internalized those things which created my dark world that I escaped from and now write about. However,  there are facts and then there’s the truth. 

The truth is, in writing my depiction of events I get to tell my side of the story often shedding light on my strengths and the poor  behavior and motives of others.  But today I think it only fair that I set the record straight.  That if the people I’ve been in relationships with whether it be close friends, family, exes, or co-workers got an opportunity to take pen in hand there are stories to be told of my own toxic behavior, of how I victimized, and abused my boyfriends, how I played the villain and betrayed friends that put their trust in me. How I disappointed mentors that put time, money and energy into me. It Was Me. 

We often try to justify our actions believing that at our core we have a heart of gold. But truth be told you have a heart of whatever it is you’re full of at the moment. Maybe it’s fear, resentment, bitterness, or envy. 

I used to think I had a heart of gold also. Even my wrongs were right in my eyes, but in hind sight I had a heart of pride, and a heart of unforgiveness. Every petty word, and manipulative deed was just a manifestation of my pride and unforgiveness. 

I left a trail of broken hearts and wounded spirits on my journey towards healing. Misled boyfriends.. Ghosted close friends. When I wasn’t busy healing I was busy hurting. If I could mend every wound or apologize to every hurt emotion I would. 

I wanted to tell you It Was Me, I admit my wrongs and I’ve confronted them and I’ve forgiven myself for them. It’s a big part of my healing. Putting to death those  twins Guilt and Shame. That would have you hide your faults so that THEY would Lord over you and hold you back from true freedom. 

I wanted to tell you, you are not the sum of your mistakes but in wholeness we must face them, address them,then let them go. 

I’m now in a place of repentance so I’m no longer holding on to the emotions attached with those actions, which has strengthened me enough to tell you.. IT WAS ME.

#HeartCheckHeartCheckOneTwoOneTwo

#ItWasMe #ItWasYoutoo #ConfrontthePain