Category: Poetry

Mask Off

Shower, dress, check your face 

Do your make up, check your face

Don’t look too long in those deep brown eyes, 

just check -just glance 

do you look “okay?”

Do you look stable?

Do you look saved? 

Do tears still mean sin?

Does this stoic countenance that you cannot shake mean defeat? 

No, warrior woman this is the face of battle.

Victory rarely brings out the smile. 

That charismatic, magnetic, energy they want.. traded for bruised knees and puffy eyes. 

I’m not sad. I’m not happy. These temporal emotions are not mine for the taking. 

I’m chosen. I’m focused. I’m tired. I’m fighting. 

I’m making time for prayer and fasting and  faithing. 

I’ve not the commodity of faking. 

So, I can’t always hide my battle scars some days blood will seep through my pretty painted face.

Residue of Ashes on my chin.. the stench of yesterdays win may linger on today.

And I’ll show up and I’ll raise holy hands and tears they may fall, as they should, for Grace and Mercy has a way of making me feel some type a way. 

There are times when everything is fine,but nothing’s okay. 

Like yeah my house is on fire but “ I KNOW” God will make a way. 

I won’t deny my humanity but I must survive it each day. 

I thought, ministers gotta look the part. Shine your light and smile big and bright,but what if that throws a newbie off? That thinks salvation is all smiles and dancing, that salvation means never falling down, but only advancing. That if you can’t feel him, that means he’s gone and if you’re not shouting on Sunday morning then somethings wrong. 

There are days on this journey when nothing feels right.. you’ll try and pray in the morning. Nothing.Then you’ll try again at Night. 

There are days on this journey when life is pure bliss, if Gods doing anything at all you’ll be top on HIS list. 

But through it all, you don’t have pretend, you don’t have to fear what you feel, don’t hold it all in. 

Just trust, Just know, that our God understands . He gave you emotions. They are apart of his plan. 

Leave it at home, leave it in your car. I’m saying MASK OFF. He wants who YOU Are. 

An audience of One

And it’s here down on my knees that I feel most powerful and in the auditorium amongst the masses that I feel most weak. 

I’m not sure of how people see me and this is no longer my concern because I’m living for an audience of one. 

Such an unfamiliar place I’ve found myself in where the things that once moved me no longer do, and there is no compulsion to do what may generate attention or likes. In this place there is a quietness, that I am in no way, shape or form accustomed to. 

                    AN AUDIENCE OF ONE

Living for an audience of one, drawn to my  audience of one, totally captivated by my audience of one. 

He has me- fully, I mean truly, I’m obsessed with how he woos me, with how he moves me. In me and through me. 

It’s in his truth he makes me and by his grace he shapes me. Never leaves me or forsakes me. His very presence overtakes me. Living for an audience of one. 

 So with your eyes you are privy to see, everything he’s doing in me, but it’s no show and I’m not here to entertain just to bring glory to that MATCHLESS name. 

It is He, El Shaddai, Elohim, that Grace guy. He’s my Daddy, He’s my friend, That same one that shook death and sin. 

It’s my God, my present help, my ride and die, when nothing else could help! 

There was my audience of one.

Watching  and waiting, blocking and orchestrating. Creating a very special,very specific, very intentional place for me. In my lane I can move freely, I can cry out, I can dance, or I can just be. I am able to do it, how I do it, all for my audience of one. 

The Fire

I lost a lot of things in the fire  

I lost a lot of things in the fire but nothing that I needed. 

I watched as I burned up along side of my most treasured possessions and relationships.. boyfriend burned, bestie marred, drinking buddies and girl group that I was so proud to be a part of, gone gone gone. 

I lost a lot of things in the fire but nothing that needed me. 

If they investigate it’ll for sure be an arson and I’ll admit it.. I both poured the gas and lit the match to burn down an old house and old attitude and old behaviors that no longer served where I now had to go. I set my self on fire to see if Phoenixs really do exist. Ashes to Ashes and dust to dust. 

When you sacrifice the only thing you need is what’s left after the fire goes out. All I had was my new identity, my children, a pen and a piece of paper. They were the keys to my new life for I knew everything that was consumed was not for me.

I lost a lot of things in that fire and I’m glad I did. Started over again with a new foundation that would be an alter where a fire would rage both day and night, a fire that would not consume me but gave me power and authority. That wouldn’t allow me to lose sight of what lay ahead of me. A fire that was a constant reminder that  less is more and that with just God I can do exceedingly and abundantly more than I could even contrive when attempted without him. I thought I had the life when I had people, when I had dates and I had popularity but when the fire came it was all burned away and I escaped to the secret place and abode there and did tarry. I found new life. I’ve lived more in the past 2 months than I have in the past 2 years. Before it was as if each day was the same and I was always waiting for something to jump off so I could feel alive or have some sort of reason to mark myself present in the whole thing. But now it’s as if each day is new. I’m new each day and so are my experiences and so are my expectations.

I’m finally alive and I’m not waiting for something to happen I am the something that is happening. 

I lost a lot of things in that fire and I’m so glad that I did. 

Burn on Selah.